The other night about 2am, my hour for scary thoughts, I was attempting to think of my hopes for 2011; achievements, accomplishments, fun. I tried looking ahead, but as fog rolling in obscuring a landscape, I could no longer see the year for the good it might bring. It had gone gray. I had to put thoughts of happy stuff aside, because of course, cancer can’t stay hidden. It rears it’s ugly head and whispers, “Don’t forget about me.”
It occurred to me then, it’s been this way for quite a while. Years, actually, since I was able to welcome a new year with pure thoughts, not those infected by the long reach of cancer, but joyful, celebratory thoughts having nothing to do with someone’s illness. Loads of people envision their future just that way, everyday. New jobs, marriages, babies, exciting trips, not overwhelming prayers for good health, pushing all other dreams by the wayside. All while knowing without that, nothing else matters. Joy is hard to come by.
Just how far back did I have to go to find a New Year’s wish that didn’t involve cancer?
Pretty far, I have to say. This will be the second New Year’s Eve I’ve seen since I was diagnosed in 2009, but really, I started wishing away cancer as long ago as 1983. The year my mother was diagnosed. Some years were better than others, but honestly, cancer has hung over my head and my family since then.
Much too long…for anybody.
It was the cumulative effect of all those New Year’s Eve wishes that prompted me to sign up for Dr. Susan Love’s Avon Army of Women. One great hope I carry for 2011 is that more women will join with me. Please check out the link below if you haven’t already done so. The Army of Women together with researchers are working to discover the causes of breast cancer, and ultimately, prevention. No one should have to endure this insidious disease a moment longer and our future generations should never know it.
That’s a wish strong enough to shine through any fog.
I wish you all a happy, healthy 2011!