New Year, Clear Hope

The other night about 2am, my hour for scary thoughts, I was attempting to think of my hopes for 2011;  achievements, accomplishments, fun.  I tried looking ahead, but as fog rolling in obscuring a landscape, I could no longer see the year for the good it might bring.  It had gone gray.  I had to put thoughts of happy stuff aside, because of course, cancer can’t stay hidden.  It rears it’s ugly head and whispers, “Don’t forget about me.”

It occurred to me then, it’s been this way for quite a while.  Years, actually, since I was able to welcome a new year with pure thoughts, not those infected by the long reach of cancer, but joyful, celebratory thoughts having nothing to do with someone’s illness.  Loads of people envision their future just that way, everyday.  New jobs, marriages, babies, exciting trips, not overwhelming prayers for good health, pushing all other dreams by the wayside.  All while knowing without that, nothing else matters.  Joy is hard to come by.

Just how far back did I have to go to find a New Year’s wish that didn’t involve cancer?

Pretty far, I have to say.  This will be the second New Year’s Eve I’ve seen since I was diagnosed in 2009, but really, I started wishing away cancer as long ago as 1983.  The year my mother was diagnosed.  Some years were better than others, but honestly, cancer has hung over my head and my family since then.

Much too long…for anybody.

It was the cumulative effect of all those New Year’s Eve wishes that prompted me to sign up for Dr. Susan Love’s Avon Army of Women. One great hope I carry for 2011 is that more women will join with me.  Please check out the link below if you haven’t already done so.  The Army of Women together with researchers are working to discover the causes of breast cancer, and ultimately, prevention.  No one should have to endure this insidious disease a moment longer and our future generations should never know it.

That’s a wish strong enough to shine through any fog.

I want to thank everyone that has taken the time to read this blog.  It means more to me than I can possibly express and that’s saying something.  I’ll see you next year.

I wish you all a happy, healthy 2011!

10 thoughts on “New Year, Clear Hope

  1. Stacey, Just like you (once again) cancer has been part of my life for too many years. Also, just like you, those worrisome thoughts seem to bubble up in the wee hours of the morning disrupting my sleep. Checking out the army of women remains on my to do list. I don't seem to get stuff crossed off that list the way I should. I look forward to reading more of your great posts this new year. Hope you had a wonderful holiday with the boys and the rest of your family.


  2. S, here's hoping that 2011 is a good year for all us survivors. It would be wonderful for a day to go by without thinking of the \”Big C\” but in a way that's like wishing for your life to not have happened. Strange, bizarre thought, but cancer has made me the much kinder, gentler, and more compassionate person I am today.


  3. Hi Nancy, I don't look at \”to do\” lists the same way anymore. It has to really be important. Thanks, the family and I had a great couple of weeks, but we're (me) looking forward to school starting back up tomorrow. I hope you had a good holiday, as well, and a great start to 2011.


  4. Hi Lisa, I don't know if cancer has made me kinder, but I do agree it's made me who I am today. I, also hope 2011 is great for all of us. I'm glad you're back on your feet. Thank you so much for reading. I'm looking forward to reading your posts in the new year and seeing what you discover in the kitchen.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s